Temple of love

Tuesday, 16/10/2012 – 124 A.D.

No matter how many of those bed bugs I kill during the day, they always come out and get me out night! I try my hardest to keep my arms inside my sleep sheet, but in the name of comfort they always slip out and that's when gourmet a-la-Gray goes on the insects' menu. Never mind, they're nowhere near as bad as ant bites. 

Breakfast was okay this morning, but again I felt a bit sicky-wicky, and this really ain't like me. Now it really is time to start blaming the anti-malarial and I vowed that in future I would always take them after morning toast and onion-stuffed-omelette. And I soon came around once we got moving, through the semi-red light district (pink light district?) that surrounds our hotel. With it being our last day in Bangkok, we'd be hitting a couple of the tourist attractions that you'd normally hit at the start of your visit. First up, the Grand Palace. This is a huge complex of buildings, built in 1782, where the kings of Siam traditionally hung out until 1925. It is still used for official events, but when there are none taking place then it's full of tourists like us. And to our great annoyance, we discovered (too late) that it's where all of the government-sponsored tuk-tuks hang out. 

The Grand Palace isn't a single structure, rather it's made up of numerous, halls, pavilions  temples, all set around open lawns and courtyards. It looks astounding, but its hard to make sense of where you are and what you're looking at, despite the free map and informative guide that comes with your ticket. It also wasn't helped by the good old heat and humidity - enclosed within high walls, there was no breeze to keep us vaguely cool. And we could tell that wonderful rain was on it's way in the near future...

What stands out most in the complex is the Temple of the Emerald Buddha. No cameras are allowed inside, which obviously means no photos, but suffice to say it was pretty spectacular. Unfortunately I did not have any great spiritual awakening during my time in the temple, but it was kinda hard to with all of the tourists shuffling and chattering throughout. And what is the Emerald Buddha? Well, that is one for wikipedia! However, I'm not sure why people were dipping some kind of plant into a font of water and rubbing them against their head before entering the temple, but I'll assume it was some kind of do-it-yourself purification ritual. I tried to purify myself with the holy water, but it burnt my skin.

So much for the Grand Palace (its always harder to write about these visits when they're a couple of days passed!) Our next stop was the other big draw in the area, namely the temple complex that houses the giant reclining Buddha. The statue is 43 metres long and 15 metres high and features Buddha at rest on his right side. We'd done our homework beforehand and knew it was considered a little disrespectful to wear shorts, but boy was it hot in trousers! Still, Buddhists aren't really into confrontation, so they don't kick up a fuss with blokes who have come dressed in short pants. Those women who'd not been so prepared were given bright green robes to wear and everyone carried their shoes around with them in bags that were provided. And for some reason we were allowed to take photos, so here they are...

Conveniently, we ducked inside the temple just as the daily rain began to fall. Inconveniently, it was still raining when we were ready to leave. After sitting down and trying to wait it out for about 20 minutes, and having a tranquil chill-out in the presence of the awesome Buddha, we realised it wasn't stopping any time soon and donned rain coats - familiar story, isn't it?! Besides, it was gone 14:00, let alone midday, and my stomach was ready to commit mutiny! After finding a nearby cafe, I realised that I am enjoying eating oriental cuisine every day without getting fed up of it. Sure so it could use a little more bacon here and there, but on the whole it's top nosh.

After lunch I took the above picture of the Temple of the Dawn that sits across the river. I noticed a guy sitting under a tree who'd been talking to a couple of Westerners before we arrived. He gave me that kind of look that suggested he was about to move in for conversation, and when he did, he simply asked me if I spoke English. I replied, "Not really," and Tim brushed him off as well. The guy looked a little disappointed and as we walked away. I felt a little rotten - maybe he wasn't actually on the hustle and simply wanted to practice his English with some native speakers? It's a real shame that since we've been here we've conditioned ourselves to expect a scam from every angle, but unfortunately that's pretty much how it is. 

It was a short walk to Khao San Road and by this point we were calculating how much baht we had left to spend, and what to spend it on. I bought another 100% cotton shirt, but black this time so the collar won't get quite so grubby so quickly like the white one I bought the other day. Plus I've somehow already managed to get blue ink stains on that white top - hopefully won't have to go the way of the bleach again just yet! Anyway, the guy wanted 250 baht for the black top, but I got him down to 190, which is 10 less than I paid for the last one - great success! Plus the hawker dealt with me via calculator, asking me to type in the amount I was willing to pay, rather than say it out loud in case any of his fellow traders heard the cheap price he was offering. I asked him if he liked the game of darts and typed in 180. He buzzed-off that, but still wouldn't go less than 190.

Here was the situation we were facing in order to leave Thailand tomorrow:

* Get up very early and catch the 05:55 train from Bangkok station (3rd class seating only (can't complain about the fare though - only £1)).

* Get off train five hours later (if it hasn't collided with livestock on the line) at the border town of Aranyaphrathet and take a tuk-tuk to the actual border.

* Mess about at the border with visa, etc.

* Take the free shuttle to the bus station at Poipet on the Cambodian side.

* Get a bus to Siam Reap, close to where the Angkor Watt temples are located.

The above involves a huge amount of farting around and risking all kinds of scams as we change vehicles. Therefore we had a prowl around the dodgy-looking travel firms on Khao San Road to see if they could give us a decent price all the way from Bangkok to Siem Reap. And of course they could, starting at 300 baht per person, then down to 250 baht, and finally 240 baht after some strong haggling from younger brother. The travel agent was a family set-up, with youngest sibling playing computer games, older brother not understanding us very well, mother sitting doing her knitting and agreeing our price, and father sorting out the paperwork and explaining the situation in better English. Although it seemed like a great deal, we both got the feeling that it was therefore too good to be true, despite quizzing the father thoroughly as he crossed the t's and dotted the lower case j's. But we took it anyway - who wants to get up for a train at 05:55 in the morning???

Come the evening, we were feeling pretty pleased with ourselves. We'd managed the spending of our last few baht and got what we thought was a much improved travel situation for the following day. All we wanted to do was go out and have a quiet meal and come back to the hotel and get packed, do the blog, etc. Upon leaving the hotel, I noticed a couple of Western lads at the front desk, who I'd seen checking in earlier, and I gave them a nod of greeting of fellow foreign guests, or whatever. Anyway, as we walked down to the road where the eateries were, the two lads caught us up and started talking, quite enthusiastically as it happens. They were German and it was their first night in Bangkok and they wanted to have fun and they wanted to learn about the city from us and have a drink somewhere nearby, if we fancied it. But we didn't! I hate to say it, but we made the worst excuse ever (so lame that my brain has already forgotten it) and made our exits stage left, the German lads no doubt perplexed and a little ticked-off. I felt bad for snubbing them, but sometimes you just want to take it easy and not spend the evening discussing everything you've done on your travels. Last night the French ladies, tonight the German lads...after all of the people we've met on our journey, have we finally become fed up of making new friends? Nyeargh, we'll probably never meet them again anyway.

We meet them again, in the 7-11 next to the hotel as it happens, while we were buying supplies for the journey tomorrow. Now I am forced to make a bit more effort than last time, but it's somewhat easier because I have a beer inside me and a full tum-tum. The German guys are a little guarded at first, as if we're going to run off again with an excuse such as we're off to measure the King of Thailand for a new suit. In the lift of the hotel we get out on the third floor and have one of those handshakes that means farewell, though as the doors close I realise that we may well meet them at breakfast tomorrow morning.

But leaving that aside, it's the end of our time in Thailand, and what a mad two weeks it's been! We've been here longer than we were in Singapore and Malaysia, but even if we hadn't, we still think it would have been the best Asian country we've been to. And if you're reading this with the wish to visit, but you're put off by the seedier elements, don't be. You don't have to see ping pong shows or mingle with ladyboys if you don't want to, there's plenty more of Thailand to enjoy without those elements being present.

And so, it's a final "choke dee" from old Siam!

Nowhere fast

Sunday, 07/10/2012 – 115 A.D.

Well if you read the previous entry then I’m sure you knew it was all just a bit of fun and a way for me to put something brief up on the blog while we were in transit. Rest assured, there is no danger of me succumbing to the temptations of any kind of religious order out here, no matter how many offers of free erotic adventures with the local girls they throw at me. So, to all those who thought I wouldn’t be coming back after this little jaunt…sorry, but I am! And “Chao bon kao” is the name of a local restaurant that I saw on the map of Krabi.

Speaking of Krabi, or rather, my final day in Krabi. It was What-Carcass-Time because Tim and Svitlana got the early boat over to Phi-phi island for beach-based frolics. Even though I felt a What-Carcass-Moment was due, I have finally admitted to myself that I don’t even need to vaguely claim to pretend that I’m a beach person, and as good as they are in Thailand, I got more than enough of my fill in Australia. Harrumph.

Travelling IS tiring and sometimes you just need to have a relaxed day. So mine consisted essentially of a walk into town to pick up some supplies. Still, I came the long way back alongside the river, but this meant that when I returned to the hotel I really was sweating like crazy. The usual woman was sitting smiling behind her desk on reception and I said, “Your country is very beautiful, but it is also very hot!” Now, her grasp of English seems to come and go, and judging by her reaction, something may have been lost in translation. In fact, I  think she thought I said, “You are very beautiful, but also very hot!” Ahem. I quickly legged-it up to the room.

Not a great deal more happened before Tim returned, blasted red by the sun. Svitlana had now moved on to Reilly Beach, which judging by her Facebook account sounded awesome (if you like your rock climbing, that is). Oh, and I did spot a moped going past with four people upon it – seeing three is quite common, but four is now the record. That evening we ate in a pizzeria , the kind of place where tourists in Krabi eat, but we just wanted some Western cuisine for a change. The evening was spent doing semi-drunken admin, which is the best kind of admin.

And then on to Sunday…

It was Bangkok time! Or, it would be in 24 hours. We were already booked onto the night train from Surat Thani to Bangkok, but first we had to get from Krabi to Surat Thani. Deciding to seek advice from the woman behind the desk (and make no mention of the words “beautiful”, “hot” or “no-strings attached”), we were happy to hear that she could get us onto a bus leaving from the hotel that would take us all of the way to Surat Thani station for 300 baht. I didn’t want to haggle with her, lest she think I was trying to negotiate something else, so we accepted the deal. Yes it could be a bit of a rough `n` ready ride, but at least we would go directly to our immediate destination.  

Pick-up from the hotel was at 4 and, after checking out at 12, we had a few hours to kill, as per usual. We walked the streets of western Krabi, where the westerners fear to tread, but they weren’t that bad, just a bit rundown. The Chinese temple turned out to be a view from a distance, and not a great view at that. We ended up in KFC for lunch, mainly for the aircon, but also because we didn’t know what kind of “snacks” would be on offer at Surant Thani. Also, I wasn’t sure if I got served by a ladyboy – they were incredibly tall, but then again you can get tall women, even in Thailand. I think I’m just being paranoid, and I don’t know what I’m being paranoid about in the first place.

We headed back to the hotel to await our pick-up. The lady behind the desk had finished for the day and now it was the turn of the young lad who spends all his time playing online poker and searching Facebook. Tim told the clerk that some kind of hornet-like thing was building a nest in the lamp in the lobby. The lad duly came out from behind the desk to take a look and explained that the lamp came from the north of the country, as did most of the other furniture in the lobby. What??? Eventually the message got across and he waved it away as not being dangerous. Sure, but what about when the eggs hatch and a thousand and one buzzing things are buzzing around the hotel? Oh who can be bothered…

Our pick-up was at 16:00, but we noticed that our ticket said on it that “departure” was at 18:00. Did that mean two hours driving around collecting other people before the two hour trip to Surat Thani? That would be a pain, but a four hour journey is nothing to us these days. As long as you have an entire series of The Mighty Boosh on standby, you can outlast any trip. When the minibus came (a little late), there were only two German girls inside. Okay! But then we stopped at some crummy backpackers’ hostel (the kind we would have stayed at in Oz) and the minibus filled up with a load of lads. Sitting on the back row, I had a guy next to me who immediately went to sleep as soon as the vehicle started moving - which way would his head fall? Not against my shoulder, that's for sure!

After ten minutes driving through Krabi we are dropped on the outskirts of town at Andamaan Wave Master Bus Station. This is by no means a bus “station”, simply a collection of shacks and a waiting area under a corrugated iron roof with no fans or aircons that is surrounded by rubbish. Seems we have to get out here and wait for our proper vehicle that will take us to Surat Thani. Flies…smoke…ants…French people…it feels like being in limbo between life and death. I always get the feeling that there’s a hidden catch with everything in these parts, that nothing ever turns out to be as advertised.

Relations between Tim and I are fine, but I already miss travelling as a trio. I also miss travelling with a member of the fairer sex, like Butch Cassidy (me), the Sundance Kid (Tim) and that female school teacher who went with them to Bolivia. Our travels with Svitlana were only brief, but we were a formidable team who had a damn good laugh, and it feels a little as if the third wheel has fallen off the tuk-tuk. As the old song goes, “I wish I never saw the sunshine, coz if I never saw the sunshine, I wouldn’t mind the rain.” Rain? Puleeeeeease rain and cool me down! I wouldn’t mind the rain at all right now!!! Sorry for the mildly maudlin moment there, people come and people go on this trip of ours, but one thing's for certain...and that's that the trip goes on! Jagshemash!

As 18:00 approaches, the bus arrives. It looks okay – a double decker with a side-on couch on the lower floor, a bit like a VIP area, if such things exist on public buses. In the queue we talk to two English girls, Chloe and Laura, who are doing various south east Asian countries and we swap stories and advice about visas. It turns out the bus is going all the way to Bangkok and when the signal is given, everyone in sight swarms to board it. We are too late for the couch, but we get to sit upstairs, from where you can see more of the world.

The bus is a bit rowdy and full of annoying travellers (like me), but it’s not a bad journey, and actually gets in slightly ahead of time. Well, I say it gets in, but there are no announcements made as to where we are and no one has a clue whether to alight when the bus stops. The luggage doors go up, but fortunately I’m sitting right above them (good old top deck!) More and more people get off to find out what’s going on. The German girls from earlier get off, which is strange because they said they were going to Bangkok. It’s just confusion all round and eventually we alight to discover that we have indeed reached Surat Thani and it’s time to do the short walk to the train station. But it beggars the question – why are we leaving to go and wait three  hours for a train that gets us into Bangkok five hours later than the bus??? For a bed, that’s why. Our days of sleeping in bus seats are over. We’ve paid our dues. Another harrumph.

There is all kinds of wildlife on the platform, but curiously no hustlers. There are some interesting toilets that you can use for the price of three baht where the woman you pay the money to only has to lean back on her chair and she can see everything as you stand there doing your thing. I have a wander round the nearby streets and spot a rat….SuRAT Thani? Sorry, it’s late, bad joke. I buy some very spicy noodles from the 7-11, which are messy to eat and cause my nose to run, much to the indignation of the old woman sitting next to me. After a while she moves to go and sit next to Tim, but fortunately I’m now tough enough to deal with such rejection. Instead I see a European traveller playfully stroking a dog that’s been wandering round the station with a stray look to it. Why take your life in your own hands like that? One thing I am getting used to seeing is the dog’s b*llocks – I don’t think there is a word for “neutered” in the Thai language…or are we back to talking about ladyboys again?

Above is the UK contingent that banded together in the midst of such a strange and curious land - from left, Ban Yon Kao, Chloe (Manchester), Laura (Peak District), Timbo and Duncan (Scotland). We discussed many things, such as how it is cheating to eat Western food while in Thailand, as well as the guy directly behind us wearing the dodgiest wig in the world. Based on the advice of our new found chums, it looks like getting hold of a Chinese visa is going to be a major pain in the arse. We're still no clearer about India, but Camdodia and Nepal we can purchase on arrival. That just leaves Vietnam, which we are hoping to sort out in Bangkok...if our train ever comes in, that is!

[The scores on the doors for when the trains come and go...]

[...and after the woman with the marker pen had been and made our hearts sink (red circle effect added by me).]

Yes, the number 38 train that we were booked on was delayed by 80 minutes so that it wouldn't be getting in until 00:45. We shouldn't really have been surprised, as virtually every other northbound train had been marked for some kind of delay on the board, but you always cling to vain hope, don't you? Chloe and Laura weren't too worried because they were heading down to Kuala Lumpur and their train was due at 01:26, yet had been marked down as arriving at 01:23 - honestly, what was the point? When a northbound train rolled through the station at 00:30, then started to leave, Tim, Duncan and I all looked at each other and seemed to wonder via telekinesis whether that was actually our train, rather than the earlier delayed one. It wasn't the best feeling, especially as 01:00 rolled around and our locomotive still wasn't in sight. We'd asked the ever-friendly security guard if the number 38 was on its way, and he said yes, but I think he would have said yes to any question under the sun. Is there a happy ending to this? YES, there is - the train rolled in a little after 1 and we rushed and yawned our way to carriage 12 at the end of the train. Now we just had to get to bed without waking up those already snoozing.