Dirty deeds done dirt cheap

Friday, 05/10/2012 – 113 A.D.

Great night’s sleep, it always helps. So does breakfast in the open air lobby, a happy mix of traditional Thai cuisine and your more bog standard brekky fuel, like toast. Plus I realised that, probably for the first time in many years, I’d been five days without a coffee. I was steaming, and so was the coffee.

We would spend the morning exploring Krabi town and planning tomorrow’s agenda for the two UK boys and the one Ukranian girl:

·         * Svitlana wanted to go to Riley Beach, a short boat ride along the coast. Several friends had told her it was an amazing place and, being into all things sporty, she was looking to get stuck into some rock climbing. She was hoping to spend three nights there.

·         * Tim was going to get a boat out to Phi-phi island, a short trip out to sea from Krabi. This is where The Beach was filmed, starring Leonardo DiCRAPrio, and Tim’s always been keen to check out the stunning scenery. He was hoping to go there and a back in a day.

·        *  James was going to have a chill out day and do very little. Remember, this is not the same as a wasted day, oh no. He was hoping to go to a place where he could find inner peace, then return and apply this state to the rest of his life.

The hotel provides a free shuttle bus into the centre of town at various points throughout the day. It’s only a 15 minute walk, but I guess that’s no fun when the humidity’s at its highest or it’s peeing down. We got the 10.30 shuttle, getting dropped off at the shopping centre in the heart of Krabi. Then we headed east towards the river to find a boat to Take Svitlana over to Riley Beach. No sooner had we poked our foreign faces within 50 metres of the water than a rough old seadog approached us, asking where we wanted to go.

“You want to see the monkeys?”

“No.”

“I take you to see the monkeys.”

“No. Thanks.”

“Where you wanna go?”

“Riley Beach. How much?”

“700 baht. Or I take you to the monkeys?”

“We'll think about it.”

["Look, I just don't like bloody monkeys, okay???"]

We left our friend to the barnacles on his dodgy-looking longtail boat and headed further along the quayside. Again we were approached by another guy, willing to take us anywhere in the world by sea, supposedly for the best price around. Svitlana bought her ticket for 150 baht because the guy promised to pick her up from the hotel at 2 that afternoon. To assure us of his sincerity, he came out with the following cracker of a line: “Look, I don’t lie, I’m no ladyboy!” We had no intention of verifying his claim.

Next up it was Tim’s turn to sort out his travel arrangements for the next day. We found the tourist information office, or it could have been a tourist information office…it could even have been someone’s home with “tourist information office” painted across the outside, it was hard to tell! It also seemed to double as bar-cum-restaurant-cum-second-hand-bookshop. It hasn’t taken us long to realise that everyone looks at us with the intention of scamming us for as much as they can, but we know how to stand firm and play the game…or so we hope! Tim was able to do a bit of bartering to get his return trip to Phi-phi island for 600 baht. He insisted that he did not want any pre-arranged tour while he was there, and eventually the lady accepted this fact.

["Will you give me 20% off for student discount?"

"Get real, laddy!"]

It was almost 12 o`clock, but not quite, which meant it wasn’t time to eat yet. Instead we paid a visit to the nearby Kaew Grovaram temple, which I presume is run by some kind of Buddhist sect – there weren’t any monks about to ask. All there happened to be was a little black and white cat lying on the steps, as if guarding the entrance. Given that Buddhists believe in reincarnation, for all we knew the kitty could have been the grand master monk of the temple in a past life (sorry to all of the scientists and atheists who might be reading, as well as those who have cats coming into their garden and making a mess). So the cat didn’t hiss at us we removed our shoes and went inside to have a moment in the inner sanctum. I didn’t feel too many spiritual vibrations, but then again I was with Tim and Svitlana and those times are best when you’re alone. Plus I’m a student of the Jedi religion, so there’s a slight clash of principles.

By this point it was gone 12 o`clock, which meant lunchtime. Good job too, because just as we sat down at the Choke Dee Restaurant, the black skies let loose their payload and the monsoon came down. A hard rain fell and no mistake. I hate to say it, but I gave in to temptation and had a cheese and bacon club sandwich – oriental cuisine is fine most of the time, but I’ve missed my English-style grub! Tim had his first go with chopsticks since hitting the Orient, and he held them high up, supposedly the done thing to show that you’re inexperienced at using them. Svitlana, having been to Thailand twice before, was able to give him a couple of pointers while we waited out the rain.

Back at the hotel, bang on 14:00, Svitlana’s ticket salesman arrived on his moped and gave her a lift to the boat as promised. Tim had arranged to maybe see her on Phi-phi island and there was always a chance we would meet up with her in Bangkok a few days down the line. It had been quite refreshing to have her around as the three of us bounced off each other very well, and obviously when you’ve been on the road as long as Tim and I have with only one other person for company, another companion really brings a fresh element. Anyway, shouldn’t dwell on it. We checked that the skies overhead looked dry and took a walk down to the nearby park on the south of the island where they have a walk for kids where every letter of the alphabet is listed along with a model of an animal that begins with that letter, a bit like an interactive version of Sesame Street with cheap plastic. And yeah okay, so X was represented by a xylophone, but I think they had an animal for every other letter. I think it’s a good way for children to learn both the English alphabet and about animals. And here are the Grayboys proudly demonstrating the letters U and Z…

After completing both the English and Thai alphabets (email me separately if you'd like the complete photo sets on dvd), we headed back to the hotel, only to receive communication from Svitlana, saying she was still in Krabi and coming to the hotel. Seems she'd fallen victim to a scam by the boatman from earlier. When he took her to the quayside he then said it was under the proviso that he needed some more people to travel to Riley Beach on the boat. When no more customers turned up after an hour or so, he agreed to take her on her own...but for an extra 650 baht. Obviously there was no way she going to pay this, and to make matters worse Seadog #1 who we'd first spoken to was heading off for the island with five people in his boat. Unfortunately Seadog #2 wasn't happy to let her go on the other guy's boat. Anyway, after more waiting around and no backing down over the request for extra money, Svits lost her rag with the guy, demanding her 150 baht back. There was a bit of drama, some harsh language, and eventually the guy gave in, but it meant our Ukranian friend was back in Krabi for another night. Still, it also meant the Terrible Trio was complete again for a while longer.

That evening we walked into town, after a false start whereby Tim somehow stood on an exposed (but clean nail) while wearing flip-flops and had to return to the hotel for a plaster). The night markets were in full swing, with more dodgy smells on offer than you could ever imagine - there was no way I was purchasing anything from there! Scouting out the restaurants, we made the mistake of showing interest for a split-second at a place where the patrons were sitting outside and no customers were eating inside. We caved to the gentle persuasion and took our seats. It turned out the place was owned by a British expat and a Thai lady who we presumed was his wife. There was a "soft menu" in operation, i.e. one that was still being formed according to demand, so meals that you'd expect like Thai green curry sat alongside less expected dishes, such as Portugese piri piri chicken. Unfortunately, because they had just opened, it also meant that the chef was being trained...gulp!

Everything went okay until Tim got his rice and not the accompanying pad Thai. Svitlana and I got our green curries, which were lovely, but caused us to sweat even more. It was then explained that Tim’s meal would be delayed because they had run out of gas and the gas man had been called. The owner kept us talking with the tale of how he got started and was very interested to hear our stories. He reckoned we wouldn’t go back home with the same outlooks on things that we had when we left, but I don’t want to get into all that again. Eventually the gas man came, Tim got to eat his meal, and the hostess brought us some special spring rolls on the house. When I asked what the stuff inside was, she replied that it was "secret ingredient". Umm, did I really want to hear that?

On the way back to the hotel we came across some tiny frogs making a really loud noise down by the river. That was cool. Krabi is cool. Everything except the weather is cool.