How the west was won

7 A.D.

Kyle and Betsy are a young married couple of three years, hailing from a military town called Columbus in Georgia. They’ve travelled around most of the country and do the hostelling thing quite regularly (they stayed here a week ago, but were put down in “the hole” – now they’ve been promoted to be with us!) They are the second group of people who think the [English version of] Top Gear is fantastic...I guess old Clarkson comes across well over here! Unfortunately I forget to ask them which are their favourite Beatles albums. We do explain that it’s our first ever night in a hostel, and at this point I should explain that we were expecting the D.C. Lofty to be a quaint little house with two small rooms for guests. It’s not. In fact, there are travellers hanging out of every nook and cranny, of all shapes and sizes, and all nationalities. Some of them are very loud indeed (and that’s just when they’re holding a normal, sober conversation), but it’s quiet enough where we are on the second floor. Like I said, Kyle and Betsy consider our room promotion.

Tim and I went up to our room abut 10.30 for an early night. After talking about anything and everything with K and B, we suddenly realise it’s gone 12.30 and we need to get our heads down. By this point in the evening we have been convinced not to bother going to Atlanta as originally planned, and to consider swapping Memphis for Nashville. Our first night sleeping in a hostel could not have been better, but it sounds like we got lucky. When we arrived yesterday we met a young South Korean boy called Josh who was given a bed in the basement with 9 other people. Josh reacts to the smallest statement with wild enthusiasm, but he wasn’t too impressed with D.C. Lofty, especially because the water in his shower wasn’t going down the plughole and the staff were reluctant to provide him with a coat hanger. For some bizarre reason Josh is staying here for six nights, but Kyle and Betsy were here for just the one, which was a damn shame.

We were up and out next morning by 8.30 to go and do the nation’s capital. It was already roasting and I had decided that it was to be a day of shorts from the get-go, given that it was expected to hit 37 degrees at some point (Fahrenheit people need to multiply by 2 and add 32). Our first destination was the Washington Monument, which is a great big phallic thing...and that’s as much as we knew about it. By this point we had to make tactical decisions on whether it was worth risking leaving the shade for a closer view.

A walk around the lake brought us to the Jefferson memorial, which contains several grand statements that the great man made, and damned inspiring stuff it was too. If you will indulge me in one of them:

I am not an advocate for frequent changes in laws and constitutions. But laws and institutions must go hand in hand with the progress of the human mind. As that becomes more developed, more enlightened, as new discoveries are made, new truths discovered and manners and opinions change, with the change of circumstances, institutions must advance also to keep pace with the times. We might as well require a man to wear still the coat which fitted him when a boy, but either way James Gray still needs more shorts.

Not bad, eh? Somewhere close by was the Pentagon, but we couldn’t get a view of it through the trees, and given its high-security status, we weren’t likely to. Instead we carried on around the lake until we got to the Lincoln memorial and by this point the heat was pretty stifling. Every time we passed a drinking fountain we refilled our bottles. As for the memorial itself, well, it was good – one of those things you’re supposed to see when in D.C., though technically it’s just a big statue of a Victorian chap in a chair. Maybe if I was born here I’d feel different, but I haven’t regressed my past lives far back enough to recall what I did in the American civil war.

Next stop was the White House, or rather the White House from a distance through a fence. Obviously since 9/11 they have put huge restrictions in place for getting tours of the building and you need to contact your representative in Congress one month in advance...not sure what the MP for Southport would have made of such a request. By the way, the small bunny rabbit you can see in the picture is called “Pip”. Pip belongs to a friend of mine, and if she hasn’t worked out that I’ve stolen him to take around the world with me then she didn’t love him half as much as I thought she did! Pip is enjoying himself immensely and is posing for pictures outside all of the famous landmarks so far.

The afternoon would be spent in museums, free museums, which was handy because it kept us out of the midday sun. First we hit the Museum of American History, which was perfectly fine and told us yet more fascinating facts about Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln et al. The Museum of Natural History was next door and Tim was able to show off the knowledge he gained from his biology degree to the member of staff who approached us at the sound of our quaint English accents as we discussed the differences between Homo Erectus and Homo Flacidus. She said that I sounded like a young Paul MacCartney, so I took the opportunity to ask her what her favourite Beatles album was. She said she didn’t have one and I decided it was already time to stop asking this question to everyone I meet in the US.

Our third culture conquest was the National Museum of Art, which contained plenty of Renoir, Cezanne and Manet, and I spotted a few by Pissarro, Toulouse-Lautrec, Gainsbrough, Church, Constable and Turner. Also present was a cast of The Thinker, but you’re probably getting sick of me posing for those shots by now! It was at some point while viewing this assortment of paintings that I realised that we’d now been on the road for exactly one week...feels like five! Only 20-something more to go...

Our final destination was to Capitol Hill (we hoped by now the sun would be a bit cooler, but it still felt seven inches from the backs of our necks). Various body parts were now turning red, in strange V-like shapes, despite the factor 30. Here we saw the Library of Congress, the Supreme Court, and some other important-looking buildings. It was now time for dinner and a beer and we headed to yet another Irish bar. We are finding it cheaper to eat out than to shop at the supermarket. Yesterday I wanted to make some sandwiches, so went out to get some basic provisions. Unfortunately I went to a place called the Wholesome Food Store, which is a health-conscious place big on organic produce and not my typical kind of shop. It was also bloomin` expensive. I struggle enough with a new supermarket back home, so what chance do I have here? I vaguely remember picking up and putting down the same pack of cheese slices six times and leaving without buying them. Kyle and Betsy assured us that things will get cheaper when we leave the north east bubble.

The first day we spend in a new place is always weird, but by the second day it's like we’ve been there for ages, and so it was as we returned to the D.C. Lofty. Suddenly though, we were struck with a dilemma – our next destination was Niagara Falls, but the Greyhound website was stating it was a whopping 14 hours away! How were we going to manage that and still book into accommodation? But there was no time to worry about that when we got upstairs and saw our new room mate for the night – Anna, 20, from Sweden, extremely timid. I shall make no further comment for now.